To begin with, when I say “you”, I am not referring to one particular person, but a handful of human beings. Don’t assume anything.

I hate how people are so … two-sided. Not necessarily two-faced persay, but two.. sided. One minute they are supportive of you.. they’re a true blue friend and they want to talk to you. They actually take the time to listen to what you have to say and what you need to say. The next, they blow you off for someone else or something else. People change personalities every five minutes. Some people are one way one day, then the next day, they wake up and they are totally different people. It scares me. How can I trust someone who can’t stay true to one persona? One minute you’re trustworthy, the next you would tell anyone and everybody. Enlighten me?
Then there are the people who just seem to not understand or comprehend … me. Well, not necessarily me, but people who have anxiety disorders. I’m not using it as an excuse for anything, before anybody decides to throw that at me. It’s just the majority of you assume you understand when in complete honesty, you have no idea. Not one person understands how intensely scary it is, how your brain sits in a stand still of pure terror where you cannot speak, cannot move, cannot even comprehend how terrified you are. It doesn’t matter if YOU find it to be the easiest thing in the world… It’s different for me. Unlike most people, I am NOT self-diagnosed. I am not assuming that I have these disorders. It is on my permanent record school wise. It is on my health records. I was diagnosed at age five. I have taken medications for these problems. I have been to psychiatrists and I know what I’m talking about. It always aggrevates me when people assume that I’m “stupid” or “cowardly” because of it. It’s not like I’d choose to have these disorders if given the chance. They are genetic and run in my family. I was the unfortunate one to get the intense ones that had to actually be diagnosed.
For some of you who don’t know… I did not speak to anybody in school until grade four. We would have to do projects and I would not be able to do them without totally melting down emotionally and mentally. I had to have another kid presentate my work for me. For this reason my main psychiatrist and my doctor decided to prescribe me with Prozac(which eventually caused suicidal thoughts, etc.) so I was moved to Paxil. These drugs caused me to gain weight, but helped me overcome a signifigant amount of my fears over time. I also used the internet to get used to communicating with people who were not in my immediate family and to become adjusted to human communication. I didn’t even have friends until fifth grade, and even then nobody was old enough to really .. care to keep trying with me. I don’t have any problems with that, either.
It just aggrevates me so much when people self-diagnose themselves with these things when they haven’t been through 1/4 the hell I had to endure in my childhood to get to the point that I am now. It aggrevates me to no end when people downplay it, make it seem like it’s something i’m just “doing” to get attention. Newsflash, buddy. It’s not. If you want proof, I will get you a copy of my medical records or my school records.
Then there’s people who just want to be friends with me when the time is right for them. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve felt like nobody else was around me when I was in a room full of people. A lot of my best friends have moved on to other friends and I have as well in some ways… but it’s not easy to just deal with not being around some of the people I miss being able to talk to. It sucks. It’s kind of sad as well how many people I really love and I know would love to be around me and talk to me that live in other states. In all honesty, the majority of my “best” friends are from other states. I don’t even get to see them unless I call them or text them or Im them. /:

Also, I really hate how people think lowly of me or talk me down. It’s not just me they do it to, either. It’s me, Caity, and Lisa the majority of the time. People will talk us down (intentionally or not I am not aware). So what if we aren’t in Honors Math? So what if we don’t necessarily study as much as you or make better grades than you. There’s a difference between book smart and common sense smart. You won’t get ANYWHERE unless you know common sense. I can’t stand people who see it fit to label me second rate or make me feel second rate, fuck you, I’m not second rate. I am just as good as you are. I can’t stand people who are all holier than thou whatsoever. Biggest wastes of space I’ve ever seen. There are so many times when people make comments about something and make it seem like they have to dumb it down for us or scoff because we don’t have anything to do with a specific subject. It’s very frustrating and very annoying.

I just felt like ranting.
informing.
bitching.


Really, if you have a problem with anything said, I welcome you to inform me of such.